Friday, July 21, 2006


Moenui woke this morning to find that for the 21st year in succession nobody from the town had made the NBR Rich List. The news was described as "terribly sad" by Moenui sickness beneficiary Noeline Smith who said that the town's failure to have a citizen worth $25 million was not for the lack of trying.
"Take me for instance," said Smith speaking from the Casino room of the Masonic Hotel, "I invest just about all of my income here on the pokies or in Lotto but for the life of me I can't boast to having even a cool million under my mattress." The tearful Smith said that reading the NBR this morning had brought home once more that a year had passed wihout her achieving "the Kiwi Dream."
"Of course I knew in my heart that I wasn't going to be on the list but in the back of my mind I half hoped that I had an unclaimed Powerball division one somewhere and the people at NBR knew about it. They know so much you know."
Noeline Smith was not the only townsperson upset by the list. Local oyster farmer Ted Hope had fully expected to 'make the big time' this year on the back of his shellfish business but had struck disaster.
"You wouldn't bloody credit my luck," said Hope. "It turned out my friggin' oysters are all bloody Koreans. How was I to know they'd have half of Eden park spewing their rings out? For God's sake they don't speak Korean."
Moenui's only claim to the Rich List was a family affair and that family does not live in town but in the Meka Valley. The Kaipaipa family made the list for the first time on the back of phenomenal growth in their horticulture business and outlet . The outlet The Stoned Store is named after the famous Kerikeri historic building and tourist attraction.
Local commentator Frank Lush says that the Kaipaipa story is tribute to New Zealanders ingenuity.
"A few years back the Kaipaipas would have qualified as one of Helen Clarke's 'clusters.' Now look at them. It's bloody fantastic. A real illustration of the best of entrepeneurship. Its a victory for Kiwi green fingers I reckon."
Meanwhile the Editor of the Kiwi Herald announced today that he will turn over the next 24 issues to the annual "Surprisingly Poor List."

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