Wednesday, July 02, 2008
The call by African leaders was echoed around the world after saturation media coverage in NZ was taken up abroad. Cowan, who faces three charges of disorderly conduct, prompted Condaleeza Rice to interrupt her summit with Chinese officials to announce that President Bush would be meeting with other leaders to "come up with a raft of sanctions against the evil doer."
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
A photograph of the unfortunate individual appeared in the New Zealand Herald this morning under the headline Democracy Under Attack and reappeared in the Kiwi Herald later in the day with an even more striking banner-
"Helen Clark, Free This Poor Bugger!"
The article continued that .."in a scene reminiscent of Guantanamo, where orange-suited nobodies are held without trial, a back room of the Beehive may be the holding cell of a yellow-gagged New Zealander."
"To ordinary democracy-loving Kiwis there can be few things more chilling than the thought of being held in some dingy office where the Government, the Greens and Winstone's mob stitch together their secret deals. This outrage must be ended!"
The article went on to speculate as to the identity of the prisoner, suggesting that it is likely to a member of the Exclusive Brethren, a PPTA office-holder or possibly Peter Shirtcliffe.
Since publishing the article the Kiwi Herald has been flooded with support. Paul Norris of the NZ Broadcasting school said that he supported the campaigning style of the paper, saying that he believed the Herald was "seeking to awaken the public" many of whom were too tired and depressed to get out of bed after a long night watching the Black Caps suffer a terrible defeat to South Africa.
The campaign has also won the support of National leader John Key, who pledged to ungag the person once National siezed the Treasury benches on the proiviso that the person did not turn out to be Brian Connel
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Silver Ferns coach Julie Aitken today said that the Silver Ferns would not 'choke' in the World Champs and revealed that management had taken to pre-chewing and regurgitating all player food in an effort to end the "choking epidemic" by NZ teams in big events.
The NZ players, who famously choked in the 1999 World Championship final, agreed to dine on pre-digested food after the entire All-Black team choked while playing in Paris recently.
"We got in medical advice straight after that and got some pretty sound pointers," said Aitken. "Much of the advice was the sort of thing my mother used to say: "Don't suck on sweeties while you are running about at playtime and chew your food properly before swallowing."
"We've also placed a ban on team members playing with marbles, and small coins."
Right: An Australian player about to administer the Heimlich Manoevre to a distressed Siver Fern in a recent match
Thursday, September 13, 2007
The dramatic announcement came this afternoon from the Moenui Meat Pie & Magazine shop, a favourite haunt of the head of the Security Intelligence Service Dr Warren Tucker.
Speaking to a hushed gathering of the media Dr Tucker said that while the three were "clearly a risk at one time, the SIS has reviewed the evidence and can now reassure the public that they no longer pose an imminent threat to peace, security and the enjoyment of World Rugby Cup coverage."
Members of the public spoken to by the Kiwi Herald were elated by the news. The Harbour patrol team are welcoming the chance to take a break from their nightly surveillance of the shoreline and Moenui Craft shop owner Dot Cossie said that she will at last be able to turn on the computer she has not used since 1999. She felt great relief knowing that she could check out 'happy-new-Millenium emails, safe in the knowledge that I won't catch some terrible bug.'
Meanwhile local commentator Frank Lush said that he expected the Masonic Sports Bar would be filled this weekend, 'now that punters know that the bloody Kiwi won't be putting out the cat at 11 o'clock.'
"It will be like watching Kirky and his boys in '87 all over again, except this time in the middle of the night. Every true-blue New Zealander will be up for it. I even reckon that Ahmed Zouie joker and his mates with the dog collars will be celebrating with a few cool ones and a bit of a Kamate Kamate come the weekend."
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
Saturday, July 21, 2007
The large plain brown paper package is believed to contain a signed photograph of Team NZ members in sunny Valencia and a CD of a Libretti composed especially by NZ artist Stuart Hoare who is currently enjoying a French summer as the Catherine Mansfield fellow. The Libretti, entitled "Drowning in Sunshine" is described as being 'uplifting in a smug kind of way.'
"This will be a real pick-me-up," craft shop owner Dot Cossey told the Herald. "A parcel from Mr Barker will be such a relief. It will be just like Xmas."