DAN CARTER IN BRIEFS

NEWS IN BRIEF

Moenui publisher Harper Collins is to reprint the Dan Carter series of books. The release of new editions by Mildred A. Wirt is described by Collins as a shameless attempt to make money by name association. "I'm certain that alot of people will buy the books thinking they are about the rugby playing celebrity when in fact they are stories written in the 1940's about a Cub Scout pack. However our brilliant marketing strategy to include a Jockey sponsored bookmark with each copy is sure to stimulate an interest in Scouts and Cubs.

PLANNING HEARING

A Moenui Council planning hearing yesterday okayed the accumulation of 'a whole heap of clothes and other shit' at the foot of a bed at a Parnell Street address. The request for an exception under the RMA came from 15 year old Mike 'eminem' Moore and was opposed by Mrs Eva Moore of the same address.

MOTELIER CONVICTED

Moenui Motelier John Pope, who was convicted on Thursday of biting a party of American tourists when they said they were loving their time in Australia, will open a new business next week. Post, who told the Judge he had never met a member of the public who would not benefit from a good slapping, was today putting the final touches to signage for the Barking Mad Boarding Kennels.

DOGS LOOK FOR WORK

The number of dogs seeking work has risen sharply following the passing of legislation which makes micro-chipping of dogs compulsory except in cases where they are working.

From first light this morning local farmers reported stray dogs turning up to help with mustering and a Moenui woman who is blind told the Herald that she has been overwhelmed by offers of help.

“Everytime I step outside there’s a huntaway bringing me yet another unwanted copy of the Herald or a border-collie trying to drag me off to catch the bus.”

Moenui dairy farmer Ossie MacDonald said that the three extra dogs at milking this morning created chaos. “They were completely untrained for the job. Every time I called ‘get in behind’ there was a scramble between them to be last in the queue behind the herd. As much as I’d like to see every dog that wants to work get a job, I had to see them off the property in the end.”

Meanwhile a number of Moenui residents have expressed outrage at the new law.

“This law is just is just so unfair,” said Melodie-Ann Lewis who chairs the Area School Student Council. “It is just like discrimination against some dogs. I mean my dog (pictured right) is a Chinese Crested and way the coolest, cutest pet I’ve ever had and she just couldn’t go out to work, unless maybe in the fashion industry. But there’s no fashion industry in this stink town. In fact most people here wouldn’t know fashion if it bit them on the bum.”

Local commentator Frank Lush, speaking this morning from the Sports Bar of the Masonic Hotel, said that the law-makers had created a legal mine-field.

“I reckon there are more loopholes in this act than you’d find at a tax-lawyers convention. Already I hear that the louts who run the dog-fights down at the car graveyard are applying to register their pit-bulls as working dogs. And I reckon that being best friend to some buggers in this town must be real hard work.”

Meanwhile a number of residents have reported an upsurge of pet dogs bringing their owners slippers and menacing Jehovah’s Witnesses. “I suppose some good has come of the law,” says Lush.

Dogs studying the Work Offered postings on the Moenui community noticeboard this morning.