REJUVENATED BRASH PUTS 'PLANK' BEHIND HIM

A rejuvenated Don Brash wowed the National Party faithful today, uni-cycling along a tightrope high above the conference floor. The unusual entrance, a clear reference to the damaging 'walk the plank' incident where Brash appeared unsure and diffident when boarding a boat, ended with the Party Leader grinning broadly to the cheering conference and shouting "Eat my shorts John Key." He then launched into a rousing speech.
Moenui National Party supporters described Brash's performance as 'fantastic' and even 'messianic' denying that it was a cheap political stunt. Long-time member Georgina Forbes typified the reaction saying that the 'walk the plank' incident had made her seriously question Dr Brash's suitability for the leader's job but the tightrope stunt had convinced her that he was the one. "It was a beautifully balanced performance and he looked just right in his Dawn Raid stadium jacket and bandana. He has got my vote," she said.
The new 'fun-loving' Dr Brash is the first sign of the party's 'Cooling of National' PR campaign which will roll out in the coming months. As well as the new association with hip-hop fashion label 'Dawn Raid' the Party leadership is expected to be seen with rock bands though there seems little substance to the rumour that U2 has requested that Gerry Brownlee sing backing vocals for them on their upcoming tour.
The Kiwi Herald can report however that two of the party's female high-flyers have taken the PR advisors recommendations to heart and will soon appear in cover stories in Womans' Day magazine. The move to present a softer 'everywoman' face will be started with a Judith Collins tell-all entitled "My Powhiri Pain" in which Collins tells of the anguish she felt at being removed from the front row at powhiri. Judith Collins goes on to describe her ongoing struggle with grief at the death of her childhood hero Rosa Parkes and how in her sadness she swore to "always sit up front as Rosa showed us even if it means elbowing the likes of Georgina Te HeuHeu out of the way."
The following week Dr Jackie Blue will feature in an article headed "My ER Romance," but rumours that an upcoming "My Lifelong Battle With Cellulite" story will feature Lockwood Smith appear to be fanciful.
Meanwhile United's Peter Dunne is expected to announce next week that he will leave politics to open a hairstyling salon.