STRONG WINDS MOVE NEW YORK STATE EASTWARD

Part of New York State moved 30 metres eastward yesterday causing flags to be lowered throughout the pannicked state. Emergency Service officials who at first thought the state was suffering a nuclear attack realised that the several million stars and stripes which festoon the region were acting as sails in strong winds 'turning the state into a massive yacht heading towards Europe.' They immediately ordered that flags be lowered or cut free.

Kiwi Herald correspondent Frank Lush who is visiting New York reported some days ago that patriotic flying of "Old Glory" had reached unprecedented levels.

"Flags are everywhere. Its like a Nuremberg rally. Some New York buildings have ten or fifteen of Stars and Stripes the size of Black Magic's mainsail flying from them."
Lush said that as a regular sailor the dangers of excessive flag flying were apparent to him immediately.
"Ever since 9/11 when the flag-flying craze really took off its been an accident waiting to happen. Any 12 year old 'P' class sailor could have seen that the entire Eastern sea-board was in danger in really high wind. So I wasn't surprised at all when the wind got up yesterday that the place started to move. It was just lucky that a fault line opened up along the Hudson and the state tacked 30 metres. I had visions of New York doing a massive capsize. No amount of bailing would have helped. We would have gone down like an Aussie challenger for the Auld Mug."
Lush predicted that after the scare fewer flags would be flown and the state would gradually drift back to its old position. "The whole state is drifting leftward," said Lush. "Dubya and his lot are completely discredited here."