GOD TAKES BREAK TO SAVE MARRIAGE

The Moenui Methodist Church released a statement from God yesterday stating that he has gone on leave in order to save his marriage. The statement which asked that the media respect God's family's need for privacy shocked most people who were surprised that God was married and brought a flood of recrimination amongst the populace.
A weeping Reverend Judith Collins who has long been identified as one of God's staunchest supporters, spoke out on Radio Moenui this morning saying that on-going innuendo and sleaze from God's opponents had finally hit home and she "felt so sad for Mrs God and the remainder of the family who were innocents in all of this."
The sentiments were echoed in the streets of Moenui. "Gosh," said one citizen. "Can't the good and the great have some privacy."
Another commented that "the media are doing the devil's work here as usual - attacking the sanctity of the family."
Meanwhile God's opponents are denying that they had any part in the affair. Shaken by on-going charges against them of sloth, venality, corruption and gluttony, they recently responded by threatening to 'dish the dirt' on their accusers if the attacks continued. However a leading spokesperson for them commented: "Sure we have vigorously challenged God on his lack of viable policies to make the world a better place but none of us made any suggestions that he might have been playing away from home. It's not our practice to question whether the Jews remain God's chosen. That after all is his private business and we are going to respect his call for privacy."
Meanwhile some locals are suggesting that there are number of God's inner circle who are now cynically readying themselves for a coup against the leader but all have denied this. Addressing the Kiwi Herald with his trademark beatific smile 'Saint John' Key said "God and I have had our differences but there is no question that I am about to play Lucifer."
Speaking "strictly confidentially and off the record" another staunch God supporter said that "He's a bloody good joker and it turns out a bit of a lad too, nudge-nudge. So it pisses me off what those poofters and man-haters on the other side have gone and done. The sooner He gets back on the job the better. I'll be right behind him hurling lightening-bolts and the odd plague of boils in the direction of the enemy."