DUNKING WITNESSED BY REPORTER

A leading pastor who performs 'water therapy on difficult women' has dismissed criticisms of the technique saying 'a dunk in the water' is a 'no brainer' if it saves husbands and families from lives of misery. The technique, witnessed by our reporter, involves the near-drowning of women in an attempt to gain confessions and information but has been criticised by liberal groups.
Reverand Richard Cheney who presides of the Moenui New Life Centre, told journalists that the modern family 'is being torn apart by covens of women intent on bringing civilisation to it's knees' through the promulgation of 'hateful doctrines.'
"Do not underestimate the evil of these women and their groups," said Mr Cheney. "I would be in dereliction of my duty as a leader if I did not perform the dunkings."
A journalist from the Kiwi Herald attended a dunking on Saturday morning, along with 300 cheering locals on the banks of the Wavenay River. The woman Janet MacMurdoch, wearing a fashionable orange jumpsuit, was tied to a seat on a plank and dunked several times in the river for periods up to one minute. On one occasion she was quickly untied and violently beaten about the chest until enough water was emptied from her lungs to allow the treatment to continue. She was then dunked again as many in the crowd cried 'Hallelujah' and 'confess you filthy slut.' Ms MacMurdoch, whose estranged husband described her as 'a mad man-hating witch' was eventually pulled, apparently lifeless, from the dunking chair and hurriedly taken away by ambulance. At this point Reverand Cheney told the rapturous crowd that "God has prevailed and Janet's therapy has succeeded. Before she left for rehabilititaion she whispered thanks to me and asked forgiveness for her sins. She has told me of others who plot evil against our God-fearing community."
Mr Cheney was carried shoulder high from the river-side by adoring supporters.