Monday, October 02, 2006


A Moenui journalist today admitted to hiring a private detective to follow him after realising he "has absolutely no recollection of last Thursday."

Frank Lush who covers the Masonic Bar and the United States of America for the Kiwi Herald said he had called in Wayne Idour to find out if he had "unknowingly been failing to pay taxes or buggering someone in the Labour Party."
The veteran reporter went on to say that "Like the rest of the country I've been following the on-going 'dig-the-dirt stories,' and along with ninety percent of the population developed a fear that I am going to pick up the Herald one morning to find I've been paying Shrek the sheep for sex and my mum's gone into cardiac arrest over her toast and honey."
Lush, speaking from the Sports Bar of the famous Masonic Hotel, has been in the USA recently where he took 'a bad turn.'
"Strewth," he told the Kiwi Herald "It was in Los Angeles Airport. I fell off my stool in the flight bar and who knows, with all the rumours flying about that guy with the stethoscope fossicking under my shirt may have been Rod Davis."
Lush went on to explain that he had asked Mr Idour to "put on his walrus moustache and his 'I'm a complete moron' disguise and told him to find out the truth about what transpired in LA and last Thursday."
" I can't make sense of it. Thursday is almost a complete blank. The only thing I can remember is waking and in a half-asleep state hearing on the radio that the Exclusive Brethren had staged a coup in Thailand. I tell you I'm seriously worried I may have gone out and confessed to being Bill Sutch's bagman."
Meanwhile local teenager Melodie-Ann Lewis has revealed that last Thursday, "being day four of the school holidays in Moenui was a complete waste of twenty four hours. If I recall anything about it, it was wishing I was dead"

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