WORLD CUP STADIUM FOR MOENUI?

The custodian of the Moenui Jetty has told the government it can "bugger off if it thinks it's going to build a giant kermode on our harbour."

"I know they haven't mentioned the jetty," said Geoff Vasey. "But I want to make it clear that the eye-sore they've proposed for downtown Auckland will not be coming here."

Mr Vasey who has voluntarily replaced rotten boards on the Moenui jetty for some years was responding to news that the Government's plan for a Rugby World Cup stadium on Auckland's waterfront had run into trouble and a new waterside venue was being considered.

"It wouldn't surprise me one bit if they have the Moenui jetty in mind," Vasey told the Kiwi Herald. "After all it is a unarguably the best spot in the world. But as usual the politicians and smart-alec architects haven't thought it through. Apart from anything else, if they build the national stadium here who is going to fetch the ball when Dan Carter boots the bloody thing amongst Nick's snapper long-lines? You'd be taking your life into your hands asking Nick for the ball back I tell you."

Meanwhile the groundsman of Moenui domain Rob Fisher has reiterated his belief that the town reserve is the best option for the final match of the World Cup. Speaking from his ride-on tractor before an enthusiastic crowd of locals , Fisher said that the original plan to spend $3200 on a domain upgrade was short-sighted and the field was an obvious venue for the World Cup.

Fisher's plan, drawn on the back of a mince-with-cheese pie bag is for a $3.2 million stadium that will seat 60,000 spectators with the field encircled by a giant water feature that will emulate an emormous Mexican wave during the boring bits. “The water feature will be truly world class,” Mr Fisher said. "Though we just suggest that people wear togs and snorkles."

Fisher was enthusiastic in promoting the reserve.

"Moenui Domain is the obvious solution," he said. "Apart from the Masonic pub we have about 70 marae here to provide accomodation, about a thousand acres of free parking and only three local politicians to convince."

The Domain option remains popular with Moenui residents.

Fifteen year old Mike 'eminem' Moore told the Kiwi Herald the stadium would put Moenui on the map.
"I was looking for Moenui on the globe in class the other day and there was no sign of it at all, even though they had some place called Iceland which I reckon has nil future,” he said.

Meanwhile local commentator Frank Lush, speaking from the Sports Bar of the Masonic Hotel said, “Rob Fisher is a world class bloke. He’s always been a visionary. I don’t know what it is he smokes as he trundles that mower up and down all day but it sure seems to work.”

The Prime Minister told the Kiwi Herlad she had "no view whatsoever" on the Moenui option.