"FERNS WON'T CHOKE," SAYS COACH

DOGS LOOK FOR WORK

The number of dogs seeking work has risen sharply following the passing of legislation which makes micro-chipping of dogs compulsory except in cases where they are working.

From first light this morning local farmers reported stray dogs turning up to help with mustering and a Moenui woman who is blind told the Herald that she has been overwhelmed by offers of help.

“Everytime I step outside there’s a huntaway bringing me yet another unwanted copy of the Herald or a border-collie trying to drag me off to catch the bus.”

Moenui dairy farmer Ossie MacDonald said that the three extra dogs at milking this morning created chaos. “They were completely untrained for the job. Every time I called ‘get in behind’ there was a scramble between them to be last in the queue behind the herd. As much as I’d like to see every dog that wants to work get a job, I had to see them off the property in the end.”

Meanwhile a number of Moenui residents have expressed outrage at the new law.

“This law is just is just so unfair,” said Melodie-Ann Lewis who chairs the Area School Student Council. “It is just like discrimination against some dogs. I mean my dog (pictured right) is a Chinese Crested and way the coolest, cutest pet I’ve ever had and she just couldn’t go out to work, unless maybe in the fashion industry. But there’s no fashion industry in this stink town. In fact most people here wouldn’t know fashion if it bit them on the bum.”

Local commentator Frank Lush, speaking this morning from the Sports Bar of the Masonic Hotel, said that the law-makers had created a legal mine-field.

“I reckon there are more loopholes in this act than you’d find at a tax-lawyers convention. Already I hear that the louts who run the dog-fights down at the car graveyard are applying to register their pit-bulls as working dogs. And I reckon that being best friend to some buggers in this town must be real hard work.”

Meanwhile a number of residents have reported an upsurge of pet dogs bringing their owners slippers and menacing Jehovah’s Witnesses. “I suppose some good has come of the law,” says Lush.

Dogs studying the Work Offered postings on the Moenui community noticeboard this morning.