MISSING TEEN FOUND

A teenager who was reported missing three weeks ago was yesterday discovered listening to her ipod while watching television in her parents' lounge. The parents who say they never thought to check the couch, are delighted to have found the girl again but are disappointed that she refuses to speak to them.
"It was just by chance that we found her, " said a delighted Hilda Lewis. "My husband sent her a text telling her the good news that we are now eligible for family support and we suddenly heard a voice from the couch saying ' So? That still doesn't change the fact I'm not talking to you."
In an exclusive interview with the Kiwi Herald fourteen year old Melodie-Ann Lewis who is Chair of the Moenui Area School Student Council said that she had got off the couch to go to the fridge and to the bathroom but had "Pretty much spent the entire school holidays on the couch having a really stink time."
"Ever since the olds decided to completely ruin my entire life by stopping me from going and staying at my boyfriend's for the holidays I've been just hanging out like some sort of social retard," said Ms Lewis.
"Like I told them I was never going to talk to them again so I don't know what their problem is, in fact I wouldn't mind if I never clapped eyes on the pair of them again."
Melodie-Ann said she had left a note on the fridge a week ago saying she thought there was something living in the yoghurt and that 'THE FREAKIN INTERNET IS DOWN!' but had ignored all other attempts by her family to contact her.
Ms Lewis said she would like the Herald to mention that she "hates listening to nailpolish people who rattle on about bra sizes, celebrities and Bebo or people who think Jesse Mccartney is hot, love the colour pink and go around calling random people hunnie. It's just wrong man," she said. She also asked the Herald to "do a big shoutout to Mike 'Eminem' Moore."
When asked for a comment, Melodie-Ann's father Louis Lewis said that his English parents had survived the blitz so he figured he and his wife would get through their daughter's adolescence. "I'm not saying we'll come through unscathed though,"he said.