Wednesday, July 19, 2006


A Moenui motelier today asked parliament to amend section 59 of the crimes act to make it legal to smack foreigners. The motelier was speaking to a select committee which is considering the removal of section 59 which exempts parents from charges of assault on children if they are using reasonable force.
John Pope, who has operated the Sea's Sigh Motel in Moenui for thirty years, told the committee that, rather than remove the section, parliament should extend it give protection to those responsible for the care of foreign visitors. He said that in his work he frequently found it necessary to to administer 'a firm but fair slapping' to visiting tourists who lacked understanding of English and could not be reasoned with.
"These people are not like the rest of us," Pope told the MP's. "They simply do not understand. You can talk to them till you're blue in the face but if they can't speak proper English you are wasting your time. Sometimes administering a gentle beating is the best way of teaching them about the rules and customs of this country. It is for there own good."
Pope provided a series of examples where 'physical correction' of foreigners was appropriate. These included inculcation of NZ's road code, teaching them that New Zealand and Australia were separate countries and discouraging them from speaking loudly in a North American accents. Sometimes a beating, administered in a caring fashion, could prevent much unpleasantness and embarrassment at a later date.
"For instance, New Zealanders all know that you do not laugh at powhiri. Foreigners do not understand this so they need to be quickly educated in a controlled environment. At the front desk of the Sea's Sigh I routinely greet visitors with a pukana, poking out my tongue and rolling my eyes. If they laugh I immediately slap them around the ears. It usually only requires one mild beating to prepare them for any official NZ gathering."
Pope said that tourists often brought their own cultural ways to New Zealand and needed to be quickly educated that these were inappropriate in New Zealand.
"Just the other day I had a Korean couple in my Motel trying to haggle for a lower unit price. Try as I might I couldn't get them to understand that we do not barter over prices in this country. Finally in exasperation, I delivered a few judicious swipes to the head of the Asian gentleman and removed the corrrect amount from his wallet. From then on he and his wife behaved perfectly, hurriedly bowing their heads whenever they saw me approach."

Meanwhile a satirical leaflet distributed in the Moenui christian community by 'Family Integrity' is being lauded as 'the funniest thing since the parrot sketch' by the NZ Satirist League. In the leaflet Parents are told that smacking can be a "10-15 minute process" and that if a child reacts angrily by slamming doors or "pouting" they should be smacked again.
"Smacking is meant to drive out foolishness, the sinful manifestations, out of a child's personality so that they do not become permanent fixtures," it says.
A summary of the hysterically funny leaflet is below.

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