Thursday, November 02, 2006


Following widespread complaints about their 'Lust' Pizza promotion which included free condoms, The Hell Pizza Company have launched a new product designed to deflect criticism.
In announcing the new 'Abstinence' Pizza, Hell Pizzas Director Warren Powell told the Kiwi Herald that the company was anxious to cater for a variety of tastes and the Abstinence pizza was the first of a series of innovations targeted at 'the more virtuous and abstemious' consumer.
The new pizza designed with the help of Catholic Bishop Dennis Brown would consist of an ultra thin base of unlevened communion bread,
no anchovies, no capers and no cheese.
"Indeed," said Mr Powell "the pizza will be completely naked (if you will excuse the expression) but it will come with a free bottle of holy water and a brisk walking programme."
Mr Powell said that the company was confident the new product would 'take off' saying that a number of similar pizzas would follow which he referred to as the 'Heavenly Virtues range.'
The range would include 'Patience' - "for customers who are prepared to wait a very long time for their order" and 'Humility'- "for consumers who won't complain whatever is served up to them."

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