Friday, November 03, 2006


Every member of the cast of Sesame Street harbors a quiet, deep-seated resentment towards Elmo and would like to see him leave the show, according to a published report released Sunday.

"It's Elmo's World and we're just lucky to be living in it," said Zoe, Elmo's supposed 'best friend' on the show but one of his most vocal critics in real life. "That's actually what he thinks. And if that wasn't bad enough, he always makes fun of my pet rock Rocko too! Me don't joke you - Elmo a big jerk."

The report, conducted by the U.S. Department of Pop Culture, found that 100% of Sesame Street cast-members "strongly dislike" Elmo for being so successful.

"The Count used to get five, FIVE! minutes a show to teach children about all the beautiful numbers, ah-ah-ah!" said The Count. "But these days I'm lucky if I even get ten, TEN! seconds of air-time, eh-eh-eh!"

All other cast members echoed The Count and Zoe's sentiments, with none quite so passionate as Oscar the Grouch.

"Scram," said a visibly irate, panting-for-air Oscar the Grouch. "I mean, I know I hate everybody, but wow...I really, really, really hate Elmo. Did you hear that Elmo? I hate your guts. SCRAM!"

The report described Elmo's overwhelming popularity as the leading reason for why his Sesame Street cast-mates despise him so much.

“Within the last ten years Elmo has risen to the level of international superstar and spawned an entire empire of products," said USDPC Secretary Greg Tannenbaum. "This, of course, has led to a large amount of resentment among many of the less-talented, less-cute cast-members."

Reached for comment today, Elmo said that the report made him "sad," but that he had a show to do and just wanted to focus on the number 9 and the letter K.

The entire Sesame Street cast want Elmo off the show


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