BLACK CAPS FAIL WITH FAILURE

In a display of extraordinary ineptitude the Moenui Black Caps yesterday threw away a chance to achieve their worst-ever defeat when a re-called Craig Macmillan scored a boundary from his helmet when attempting to duck under a yorker.
Before a crowd that turned feral as the outcome unfolded, the locals failed to take a single wicket during the visiting Motumurali team's fifty overs and then stumbled to eight runs for nine wickets when a terrified Macmillan threw himself on the pitch as the Motumurali fast-bowler Vaste, attempted to destroy the stumps.
The ball struck Macmillan's helmet and raced away to the boundary to a chorus of booing as the black-caps surpassed the eleven runs amassed by their forbears 20 years ago, when the famed 1987 team lost to a family of muslim market gardeners from Manningville.

Captain Steve Fleming described yesterday's failure as "rubbish" while coach John Bracewell said it was "utter rubbish, but clearly not bad enough to get us into the record books." Bracewell went on to say that he regretted having suddenly recalled Macmillan "who I had completely forgotten about until I bumped into him at the local tip dropping off his empties and batting away blow-flies. He reminded me that I had told him several years ago to go away and work on his technique against the low fast ball and said he reckoned he had it sorted. Well bugger me if I didn't tell him to bring his pads along to the park today and he does this to us."
Before Macmillan's four runs, sundries had topped the Moenui batting tally after local umpire Frank 'four eyes' Fife no-balled Dilhara Fernando for excessive grunting.
The umpire explained to the visiting bowler that the tennis was at Stanley Street where they seemed to appreciate 'those sorts of noises.'

The Moenui Red-caps of 1987 face an attacking Manningville field in the record establishing game. (The team was later re-named black-caps when the local school replaced the black curtains from it's film room.)