Sunday, January 14, 2007

NEW YEARS HONOURS BYPASS MOENUI

Moenui residents expressed relief today upon learning that they are the least likely people in New Zealand to win New Years Honours.
In a statistical analysis released by the New Zealand Herald, it was shown that while Wellingtonians have a one-in-10,278 chance of receiving an honour, and Aucklanders a one-in-27,591 chance, Moenui residents have a one-in-17 trillion chance of being honoured, which is similar to the odds of encountering a tryceratops in the Masonic Hotel.
"Thank the good lord for that," commented local identity Frank Lush when told the news. He then went on to confirm that no-one in living memory has reported seeing a tryceratops in the Masonic Hotel bar, though he recalled that Jack Hench claimed to have been spoken to by 'a weta the size of a cow after three days on the wagon back in sixty six.'

Meanwhile the chair of the Moenui Area School Student Council Melodie-Ann Lewis said that the only people in town who might recieve any honour from the Queen were "so full of their own self-importance that anything from the Queen would be wasted on them."

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