Wednesday, February 07, 2007


The town of Moenui was thrown into panic this morning when a five year old on his first day at school was lost and presumed eaten by classmates. The alarm was raised when little Simon Widget failed to answer to his name at morning roll-call and the teacher noticed that the perennially hungry Thomas 'the tank' Tupaea was sitting quietly on the mat in an apparently satisfied state.
New Entrant teacher Miss Beryl Stanwyck immediately rushed to the staff-room and called the police who threw up a cordon around the school and began a search.
"Thomas is one of the 15,000 New Zealand children who turns up to school hungry every day," teacher Miss Stanwyck explained to the
Kiwi Herald. "We have another dozen or so at Moenui who are in that category and some days we can't teach them until they've chewed through a handful of pencils and the odd copy of 'The Very Hungry Caterpiller.' Thomas in particular has an unsatiable appetite. He once ate all the juniors' packed lunches as payment for making farty noises all through an ERO visit to our room."
However the crisis of the lost new entrant was resolved at 10am this morning when Simon Widget was delivered to school. His mother apologised to Miss Stanwyck for his lateness explaining that she had read the report of 15000 hungry children being expected at school and insisted that Simon eat a second bowl of Weetbix and stewed fruit. Simon apparently spent the next hour in the bathroom.

No comments: