News too good to be true from Moenui (Pop. 421) current holder of The Northern Region Best Kept Grass Verge Award
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
I WAS PERFORMING PUBLIC SERVICE SAYS SHIPTON
Convicted rapist, former policeman and city councillor Brad Shipton today confirmed being involved in videotaped 'team policing' orgies where fat policemen or men pretending to be fat policemen had sex with vulnerable young women using law-enforcement equipment such as handcuffs and batons. Mr Shipton, whom Auckland Police Commissioner Clint Rickards claims as a friend, says he wasn't cruel to the women involved.
Meanwhile, in an entirely unrelated incident, the Kiwi Herald's satirical writer was today offered redundancy.
Silver Ferns coach Julie Aitken today said that the Silver Ferns would not 'choke' in the World Champs and revealed that management had taken to pre-chewing and regurgitating all player food in an effort to end the "choking epidemic" by NZ teams in big events.
New research suggesting New Zealand was under water until 23 million years ago have been rubbished in Northland. Moenui farmer Ossie MacDonald says the claims are "complete bloody nonsense" and "typical of the tripe dished out by those pointy-headed buggers at the University."
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