Saturday, June 17, 2006


Lisa Lewis' streak during a local rugby match has brought a storm of criticism from local residents including some members of her family and her ex-boyfriend. Lewis who ran 13 naked laps of the Moenui South domain while the players packed a scrum was eventually apprehended and escorted from the pitch by her mother who beat her thighs with an umbrella. Hilda Lewis was heard to say "Bloody typical. Here you are showing your skinny white bum to the whole town and you haven't even got the sausage rolls in the oven for the aftermatch function."

Lisa's father Louis Lewis was clearly embarrassed when speaking at the aftermatch where the sausage rolls were tepid. After thanking the referee for allowing the game to flow Mr Lewis explained his daughters behaviour by saying she had spent some time living in Tauranga recently. "The sooner Winston gets back in control of that place the better," he said.

Meanwhile Lisa's auctioning of the Ug boots she wore during her streak has brought criticism from younger sister Melodie-Ann. "They were my boots which she borrowed and never returned the fat slag," said a clearly disgruntled Ms Lewis. "She looked bloody ridiculous in them too."
A Herald investigation has found that the autographed pink Ug boots were sold for $24.95 to an anonymous dairy-farmer looking for something warm to wear at winter milkings.

In a further sensational development, Lisa Lewis' gilted boyfriend Larry "the Lion" Upton has claimed that the breasts Lisa displayed during her streak may not be her own. "They certainly weren't that big when she was dating me," said Upton who said he had come forward with the information reluctantly. "I don't want to spoil Lisa's moment in the sun but I think the public has a right to know that things are not what they seem."

In a pay-and tell interview with the Herald Lisa explained that she is "really just a shy country girl" and that her streak was one of a list of things she wants to do before she dies. Included in the list are the wish to write a metaphysical novel and the desire to have Rodney Hide's baby.
"He was way cool on Dancing with the Stars. Sexy yet vulnerable."

Lisa Lewis talking to our reporter

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