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"I awoke this morning and it all came rushing back. Yes, I was responsible for the 9/11 operation, from A to Z," Khalid Sheikh Mohammed said, before explaining that in the Arabic alphabet he was responsible from alif to yāʼ which meant he was especially responsible because that involved 28 letters.
"I remember it all now. Thanks to almost four years of analysis at American taxpayer expense I can now say quite categorically that it was I who planned the crimes at the request of Osama Bin Laden. I also put together plans to kidnap Whitney Houston and infiltrate the White House disguised as a Persian carpet, " he said.
Mohammed, who was arrested in Rawalpindi in 2003 and is known to have a penchant for orange boiler suits, is believed to be considering lucrative offers to have his story told in a Hollywood blockbuster. The Kiwi Herald cannot confirm reports that Taito Philip Field has been approached to play the lead role, of a man who is investigated endlessly and awaits a trial that never seems to come.
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