'STINK' SCHOOL OPTS OUT OF NCEA

In a move that has stunned the Ministry of Education, Moenui Area School has announced that it is abandoning the NCEA and will instead enter its students in the Tirau examinations. The move comes hot on the heals of statements by other leading schools, Avondale College and St Cuthberts School for Girls announcing that they are considering entering students in the Cambridge exams.
Moenui Principal Hone Morris said that his students were "fed up with the NCEA" and needed to be challenged. The school had investigated the Cambridge exams but decided instead to opt for the Tirau examinations because Tirau is near to Cambridge and used to be called Oxford.
"Need I say more?" said Mr Morris.
Principal Morris, who once played goal-keeper for the New Zealand A Underwater Hockey team, told the Kiwi Herald that "the young men and women of Moenui despise the hum-drum of NCEA. The drudge of competing for 'achieveds' and 'merits' in an internally moderated pool is not for them. They follow the school motto which is 'Seek for the Mountain Top-but always dress warmly and take plenty of scroggin.'
"All the students I have spoken too are dead keen to enter exams in dog-handling, corrugated iron sculpture, clock-making and dressing-up as offered by the On-line University of Tirau.
Moenui Area School student Melodie-Ann Lewis described the move as "another pathetic attempt to make this stink school seem less stink."