Moenui Green-Grocer Leung 'the lettuce' Lee appeared in the local Magistrates Court today on a charge of attempting to sodomise a leading green activist with a stalk of organic celery.
The charge arose from an incident where Mr Lee allegedly lost his temper after being told by the complainant that 'most of his produce consisted of Frankenstein concoctions' and that the few organic products he had were 'disgracefully over-priced.'
Mr Lee is alleged to have suggested that the complainant try the time-worn Chinese organic practice of spraying her vegetables with her own excrement and then volunteered to assist in the process whereupon he attacked her with the celery.
The case is continuing.
PRIEST IN HELL OF A LOT OF TROUBLE
The Pope is alleged to be considering the ex-communication of Moenui Priest Father John Paul, after it was revealed the local priest has regularly had "Lust' pizzas delivered from the Hell Pizza chain in Kainui. This week the NZ Catholic Newspaper slammed Hell's practice of including condoms in the 'Lust' pizza.
"Condoms smothered in hot mozzarella may be slightly risque but they can cause injury and almost certainly will not work," said the newspaper. "Furthermore it is not natural."
Meanwhile Father John Paul is claiming that the pizzas were bought to honour the Vatican 'where they eat alot of that sort of thing,' and for the condoms which are used as holy-waterbombs by altar boys during Xmas hi-jinks.
