HAS PRESLEY LEFT THE BUILDING?

Annette Presley, popular telephonist/receptionist at Moenui County Council has denied that she has left her job. The vivacious Presley who has graced the front desk of the office since it opened is famous for extraordinary self-confidence an infectious laugh and a propensity to talk about her breasts to strangers.
Presley's denial comes after Office Manager Martin Wylie announced that Presley had left the organisation. Presley however spoke to the Kiwi Herald from Fiji where she says she is holidaying with her breasts.
"I may be on the beach but I am not washed up. I have no more left the organisation than Teresa Gattung has found $837 million under her mattress," snorted Presley. "I'll be back in the office just as soon as I can find my passport."

Meanwhile Mr Wylie clarified the situation by saying "We announced something that we thought Annette understood and it is looking like she has not."

GATTUNG TO TAKE BREAK?

Teresa Gattung's $2.4 million loss, following the collapse of the Telecom share price could result in her enjoying an all-expenses holiday in Moenui.
Local resident Dot Cossey has invited the Telecom CEO to Moenui to "pack up her troubles in her old kit bag and come and put her feet up in Moenui."
Mrs Cossey who is the owner of "Dots Crafts and Preserves" said she could empathise with Ms Gattung $2.4 million loss.
"I myself mislaid a tenner just the other day. I had put it aside to buy a nice treat for when me and Bill watched The Great New Zealand Spelling Bea on Sunday and then I couldn't find it anywhere. I must say it made me go all funny inside just thinking about where it could have gone."
Mrs Cossey said she has followed Ms Gattung's career since Teresa was "a mere slip of a girl."
"She presents herself so well and is always so friendly and polite. Her Mum and Dad must be really proud of her."
As a business woman herself Mrs Cossey understands the pressures faced by Ms Gattung in keeping customers and shareholders happy in a changing marketplace.
"I know all about that don't you worry," she told the Kiwi Herald. "The public wants it's nice jar of tamarillo chutney just as it always has but let me you it's a real struggle for me to beat the prices of some of these Johnny-come Lately's who are hawking their wares at every flea market and school stall. What I want to know is, where were they when tamarillos hadn't even been heard of? None of them were interested when it was plain old tree tomato pickle."
Dot Cossey went on to say that Teresa Gattung would do well away from carping shareholders, the media and that 'grumpy old Dr Cullen.'
"Once she gets here she'll love it. After a couple of days playing scrabble with me and Bill and a few servings of devonshire teas she'll not want to go back to boardroom club sandwiches."
Dot said that Ms Gattung may also get a chance to join Dot in some craft-making.
"Oh yes, I've got several balls of corker coloured wool waiting to be unbundled."

Teresa Gattung helps Rod Deane roll-up some wool at a recent Telecom Board meeting