HERALD SAVES WAGES WITH RETROSPECTIVE

In a pathetic attempt to cover the fact that the Kiwi Herald staff are 'otherwise engaged' the editor has requested a retrospective series. The news stories below come from the first two months of publication.

STREAK CAUSES OUTRAGE

Lisa Lewis' streak during a local rugby match has brought a storm of criticism from local residents including some members of her family and her ex-boyfriend.
Lewis who ran 13 naked laps of the Moenui South domain while the players packed a scrum was eventually apprehended and escorted from the pitch by her mother who beat her thighs with an umbrella. Read on...

CAPILL SAYS CHILD ABUSE A MAORI PROBLEM

Graham Capill has joined the chorus of politicians and celebrities describing child abuse as a Maori problem.

The former Christian Heritage Party leader said, “It is time to end the political correctness that bedevils public life and speak out. Read on...

DOGS LOOK FOR WORK

The number of dogs seeking work has risen sharply following the passing of legislation which makes micro-chipping of dogs compulsory except in cases where they are working.

From first light this morning local farmers reported stray dogs turning up to help with mustering and a Moenui woman who is blind told the Herald that she has been overwhelmed by offers of help. Read on...


MPS TOLD 'FOREIGNERS NEED A GOOD SLAPPING'

A Moenui motelier today asked parliament to amend section 59 of the crimes act to make it legal to smack foreigners. The motelier was speaking to a select committee which is considering the removal of section 59 which exempts parents from charges of assault on children if they are using reasonable force. Read on...

'I'M NO HOOKER' SAYS COP

Moenui police constable Fred Tawhai is denying rumours that he has been 'moonlighting as a prostitute' saying there is "little call for uniformed blokes in the trade anymore." Read on...

GIVE UP GIBSON OR WE BOMB AUSTRALIA SAYS ISRAELI PM

Israel threatened to extend its war for survival into Australia this morning following anti-semitic remarks from the famous Australian born actor Mel Gibson, demanding that the Australia turn over Gibson or face 'targeted actions against known family members and other supporters of Gibson until he is given over to Israeli authorities.' Read on...


PLAYER SUFFERS DIZZY SPELL AS HENRY ROTATES SELECTION
Moenui rugby coach Henry Graham has stuck to his season-long rotation policy, today selecting an all new team and crowd for saturday's match against Southbank. Read on...