AUCKLAND TO FLOAT OFF

An Auckland business leader is seeking tenders to move the country's largest city onto an enormous floating barge in an attempt to create an exciting new brand. The plan to float the city on the world's oceans was announced at a glittering media event by Chamber of Commerce chief executive Michael Barnett who said that the old 'city of sails' label no longer reflects the region or its people". Instead, he said the region required a new brand that truly expressed the dynamism of 'our world class town.' The city would in future be called 'the city on the move'- a city that did not wait for opportunities to come to it 'but would actively seek out new ventures - touring the world.''
"It is a terribly exciting idea," said the bow-tied leader. "It takes the brave spirit of floating the dollar a step further. Imagine waking each day in a new part of the globe with a new set of challenges and opportunities."
"Frankly, I think we have outgrown New Zealand," Barnett told the gathering. "As the recent TV One news poll showed, Auckland is not well-liked here and the people south of the Bombays don't appreciate our worth. I think it is time we parted ways."
Meanwhile Moenui commentator Frank Lush, speaking from the Sports Bar of the Masonic Hotel, said that he had always thought the 'City of Sails' name was pretentious and believed "City of Mortgagee Sales" was more appropriate. He doubted however whether the floating city idea would work.
"The egos of the local politicians will be enough to sink any barge," he said.