SPEND SURPLUS ON A PARTY

A coalition of concerned Moenui citizens today called on the Government to spend some of its record surplus on a 'massive piss-up.'
Following Michael Cullen's announcement of an $11 billion surplus, Moenui citizens who have some of the lowest incomes in the country, suggested that the finance minister 'stop being such a boring old fart and throw a bit of a party with some of the loot he's got locked away.'
Spokesperson Frank Lush told the Kiwi Herald that he was 'buggered if he could see the point in spending the surplus on tax-cuts for people who would just spend it all on new Rav4s and subscriptions to Jenny Craig. No. What this country needs is a massive NZ street party- a rollicking good time. God help us we deserve it. We've been waiting for a bit of relief here ever since Roger Douglas closed the Moenui Past Office and the Baptist Good Life and Budget Centre took over the premises. We say, get in about a quarter million pigs, about the same number of lamb, some kaimoana, put down a hangi and open a decent sized bar-tab."
Mr Lush said that some of the money could be paid for entertainment. "Throw a few bob at some good bands to liven things up. There's heaps of good talent around. Fat Freddy, Howie Morrison and my cousin Marama to name a few- although someone would need to come up with the cash to get Marama's saxaphone out of the pawn-shop."
Lush said that he was sure the Government would look favourably at the idea. "Once they get wind of this I'm sure they'll be into it. Some of them MPs look like they know how to enjoy themselves, like Pare and Gerry. They just need to get in the ear of some of the misery-gutses."
"Look we in Moenui wouldn't even mind if Peter Dunne turned up here. Old Dawn from the lounge bar would stop him behaving like such a bloody stuffed shirt. She reckons with that kiss-curl of his he looks alot like her childhood crush Bobby Darrin."